I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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