We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
