dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
