running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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