if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
