eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
