Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
