thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
