I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
