If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
