I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
