Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
