Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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