You're so nebulous sometimes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
