Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
