Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
