I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
