Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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