Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
