the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
time to smoke my breakfast
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
