it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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