Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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