i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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