he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
