Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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