guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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