She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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