an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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