I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
