wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
