i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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