I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
