Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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