you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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