Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
