that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I look better un-naked...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
