just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
