I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
