why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
