Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just want to make out with him forever
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
