please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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