if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
