turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
