Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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