her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
should my penis look like a turkey
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
