I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
