he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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