do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize