I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
