I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
