He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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