its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
