I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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