I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
