Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
