I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
