whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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