Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
