I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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