I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
