and she was petting her beer can
Farmville is her only friend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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