The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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