The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
