Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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