How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
