Can Purell be used as lube?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
