well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
