i already hear my dad disowning me
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
