i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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