he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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