well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
