that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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