theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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