I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can text with my tongue
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
