mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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