I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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