Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The air was thick with penises
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
