this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
