Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
