Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
